Confused Feelings

I think I am getting more and more not myself lately..
Running away from the fact that I have __________
I am confuse and scare of this feelings
But in some ways, I am very happy too
How do I describe..??
These weird feelings of mine...
Even though my heart knows well how it feels like
But still I do not know how to change into words...
I am not sad but feeling kind of hurt when __________ happen...
Is this what we call __________???

Make up

Trying new make up today~ Was too bored in the house.. So was trying to think of something to make up and there it is~ I thought of playing with fake eyelashes~ XDDD

After putting 4 layers of fake eyelashes on the top~

And after putting 1 fake eyelashes on the bottom of the eye~

This is how it really look like.. A zoom up shot~ :D

And last but not least, never forget to camwhore~~~~ XDDDD

I didn't really did a good job on this make up because actually the eyelashes part came off a bit and was lazy to put it back nicely... XDDD But luckily can't really see it.. == Hahaha...



Went to sing karaoke with my dear sisters~~ So happy~ Because I was in the emo mood few days ago, so after singing all my heart out in the karaoke, I am feeling so damn good~~ XDDD We went there early because we plan to watch movie after singing karaoke.. That day, we spend money like we were a rich man.. XDDD 1st, karaoke, then Starbuck, then movie.. XDDDD WE ARE RICH!!!!!!! >DDDD

Inside the karaoke, Cheryl was trying to hide herself when I want to take a picture.. ==

After karaoke, we went to a very secret place, which is the toilet where very few people go, because this toilet is too hard to find that I doubt much people know where is this toilet.. XDDD We went there because we wanted to do our hair and make up.. XDD See Cheryl doing her hair there and Catz was like, "Ok, I am going to take a picture here because the lighting is very nice~" Hahahaha..

After doing our hair and make up, we went straight to the cinema to buy ticket. Catz wanted to watch Piranha very much but the ticket was sold out fast so we ended up watch Repomen, it was nice but scary too because I am scare of all those ugly, violent movie.. ==

We bought the later ticket, so we left a little bit of time to go to our fav Starbucks~ The biggest drink was obviously Catz 1 because she loooovessss sweet drinks.. hahahaha..

See their happy faces? Seeing them so happy makes me so happy too~ X3

Before going home, never forget to camwhore~~~ Mwahahahaha~~~ >D

Then lately, I met my twin brother~ XDD His name is Emmanuel, he is actually Cheryl's friend but ever since that day when we cosplay in TAF (Taylor Asaban Fest), we felt that we were twins in some ways because we wore almost the same wig, both holding 1 katana and our costume was 1 black and 1 white. Even Cheryl felt that we look like twins that day.. That's when our "twins" start.. XDDD

We are the emo/stone twinz~~~~ XDDDD
*Thank you Cheryl for this picture..* X3



So many things to worry about lately. Money, study, work and more... (@A@) Sometimes I think, I rather I am still in school, ponteng everyday, that's the only think I need to worry about. Studies, its ok, I have never worry about my studies at all.. XDDD Now after school, I need to think of money and my own make up studies.. *dies*

Then lately, I have been dreaming a lot of super weird dreams.. (=A=) These dreams are so weird that when I woke up, I was like "OMFG, I hope this won't happen.." But some part of the dream, I hope it will happen because its so nice.. Hehehe..

I think maybe because I am so stress lately, everything were so not in good condition. Today when I open the door, I hurt TWICE on my finger and the worst part is, I hurt the same finger.. TTATT Its so pain and now it is swollen.. *sigh* I am really having a bad day... Stress turns to my emo...

All I need now is a bottle of wine~ XD Drink, forget everything and just sleep... I love you, dear wine.. Only you can chill me down for awhile...


Forbidden Words

Isn't it funny when you want to express something out but you can't?
Not to say you can't but is just that, it is like a taboo.
You knew it from the start that if you express it out, it will spoil everything.
So you made a promise to yourself and to your heart,
You won't express it out,
You won't do anything,
And won't even think of it.

"Time will heal my broken heart." That's what you keep reminding yourself.
But thoroughly, you know.. Your heart is crying in pain,
The misery of not expressing it out.
And still, you don't want to care and keep carrying on this misery so nothing bad will happen.
Your heart bleeds internally,
Your tears was forbid to drop,
And you laugh like nothing ever happen.

You spread your broken wings to fly away from this feelings
Even when you are too tired, you still choose to fly and not to rest.
You thought that this is the best solution for this confusion in your heart.
All of these feelings in your heart are just dreams that can't be reach.
"It is fated, so just give up." That's what you carved in your mind.
You gave up everything and choose to let it go
You decided to only keep this feelings for yourself and never want to let anyone know.

- I had a friend called and chat with me just now, expressing her sorrow to me. She was sad that she can't tell anybody about this because she was scare it might ruin everything or laugh by people. She has never been good at expressing herself that sometimes I even try to patiently listens to her... *sigh* Hope she get well soon... -